seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I enjoy the company of your penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
