She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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