Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
