no, he came in my armpit
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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