I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
