Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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