She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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