Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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