she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
