I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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