I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
