Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
