he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
