Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
