well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
