Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
