i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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