She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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