addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
