idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
