It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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