your room smells of hookers.
And success
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
