her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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