Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
