Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
