nut hugger
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
