Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
