that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
