i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
