Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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