yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
