True but thats because hes a fetus.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
