My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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