i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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