thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
