Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
