You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
