Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just forgot I was standing up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
