I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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