She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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