he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
