You're completely useless in the revolution.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
