If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
