Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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