i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
