I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
