She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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