just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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