I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
