I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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