i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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