HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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