We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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