I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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