Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
