P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
