youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
