I faked an abortion last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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