remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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