sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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