it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
