Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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