Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
