"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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