my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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