there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
