Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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