i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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