my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
