dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
