I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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