So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
